a24 just dropped phoebe bridgers' "pre-humous" album and i literally can't

ok so trigger warning: capitalism is in its final boss era. i was just trying to emotionally regulate and doomscroll through my morning when i saw the news that literally sent me into a full dissociative state. a24 music, the label that is literally my entire personality, just announced a surprise new phoebe bridgers album. which, yay, i guess? except the album is called "projected endings" and it was generated by an ai that predicts the entire emotional arc of the rest of her life, including, and i am not okay saying this, its end. it's a pre-humous album. we're supposed to listen to her die, sonically, while she is still alive. i'm so serious.

they're calling it an "empathetic data project." the ai, which they named "lachryma" (um, cringe), scraped basically her entire digital and emotional footprint—we're talking deleted tweets, therapy session transcripts she apparently consented to share, spotify listening history, even doordash orders. it then synthesized all this data to create what a24's daniel katz called "a sonic roadmap to her inevitable conclusion." he said this in a press release that felt more like a hostage note. he said it’s about "proactively holding space for loss" and "giving fans the tools to begin their grieving process on a more authentic timeline." sir, this is emotional violence. my timeline is already booked with, like, baseline existential dread.

the tracklist is an actual attack. songs like "the algorithm chooses my last words," "gentle cognitive decline (bedroom pop version)," and "voicemail from my ghosted therapist." it's algorithmically engineered to be the saddest music ever made, but it's empty. it’s like if a smart fridge had a panic attack. phoebe’s only response has been a single tweet that just said, "this is so weird." which is honestly the most valid response to having your future trauma commodified and sold as a limited edition vinyl with a lavender-scented insert.

this whole thing is just... proof that the vibes are terminally off. we're being asked to perform emotional labor for a loss that hasn't even happened. it's like the entire economy has a toxic attachment style. i literally can't process this without my emotional support weighted blanket, which is honestly a lifesaver for when the world is just, like, *this*. you can find the one i use on my storefront if you're also feeling completely dysregulated by... everything. stay safe out there. it's a lot.