tw: particle violence // antarctica winning the nobel prize is literally gaslighting my solitude-core and i am finally entering my non-observable era

i literally cannot right now. i woke up today, tried to do my mindful morning skincare routine, and then i saw that the nobel prize in physics went to a neutrino detector in antarctica. like, actually? in this economy? while i am fighting for my life in my bed with a weighted blanket trying to regulate my nervous system? the sheer audacity of the scientific community to center a giant piece of ice equipment is giving me the biggest ick of the century.

first of all, neutrinos are literally "ghost particles." they pass through everything without interacting. do you know how much of a microaggression that is? the entire universe is essentially ghosting me on a molecular level. it's a total violation of my boundaries to know that billions of these invisible things are passing through my body right now without even asking for consent. it’s literally gaslighting my sensory-core to be told that something exists but i can't feel it, see it, or vibe with it. it's giving toxic attachment—the particles are there, but they're emotionally unavailable. i am spiraling.

and don't even get me started on the location. antarctica? the aesthetic is just... too much. the stark white, the isolation, the absolute lack of a nearby starbucks? it's causing me actual sensory overload just thinking about the void. the icecube neutrino observatory is basically just a giant, cold manifestation of my own dissociation, and i find it incredibly triggering that the world is celebrating this. why are we rewarding a machine for hanging out in the cold when i’ve been in my room for three days and nobody has given me a gold medal for my commitment to the low-stim aesthetic? it's literally a targeted attack on my peace.

i feel like the nobel committee is just trying to maintain a parasocial relationship with the concept of "discovery" while completely ignoring the emotional labor i put into simply perceiving this news. my bandwidth is at zero. i am officially entering my non-observable era because if the universe wants to be invisible, i will simply stop acknowledging its existence until it learns how to respect my energy.

because i know this news has probably sent your cortisol levels into a tailspin too, i've curated something for you all on my amazon storefront. i'm literally shaking just typing this, but you need the "neutrino-shielding aura-crystal weighted eye pillow." it’s made from ethically sourced, crushed quartz and synthetic polar-silk to mimic the antarctic vibe without the actual trauma of being in a frozen wasteland. it’s $185, but it’s basically a medical necessity if you want to block out the ghost particles and protect your vibrational frequency from scientific violence. link in bio, please be gentle with me in the comments.