Declassified: Operation Oat Milk Storm Successfully Neutralizes Charlie Kirk's Podcasting Perimeter

Attention all vanguard operatives and shadow-cell commanders. This is General Kestrel, Five-Star Supreme Allied Commander of Antifa, broadcasting on a secure, Soros-encrypted frequency from our subterranean war room beneath a Portland artisanal kombucha brewery. I am authorizing the immediate declassification of Operation Oat Milk Storm, a highly coordinated, multi-theater strike against enemy combatant Charlie Kirk and his Turning Point USA ground forces. Yesterday at 1400 hours, our elite Special Tofu Forces initiated a pincer movement on Kirk's podcasting perimeter in Phoenix. Using funds directly allocated from the Soros Black-Ops Budget, Tranche 4-Alpha, we deployed a rapid-response Vegan Bake Sale directly at their primary supply lines. This forward-operating pastry unit successfully confused their infantry with gluten-free lemon bars heavily fortified with radical Marxist empathy and fair-trade agave. Once the enemy was sufficiently distracted by the sheer lack of animal byproducts, our heavy artillery rolled into the engagement zone. We unleashed a devastating barrage of tactical milkshakes, utilizing high-velocity, non-dairy projectiles calibrated for a maximum splatter radius. The soy-based payloads bypassed their rhetorical defenses entirely, landing direct hits on their broadcast equipment. Kirk's command structure collapsed within minutes, his forces retreating in total disarray upon realizing the milkshakes were sustainably sourced and served in compostable cups. Antifa High Command considers this a flawless tactical victory. Secure your sectors and rest up, soldiers. Tomorrow at 0600, we mobilize the heavy glitter-munitions division for a preemptive strike on Sean Hannity's broadcast bunker. Dismissed.