tw: childhood violence // arthur read's 30th anniversary is literally gaslighting my nostalgia-core and i am finally entering my non-memory era

i literally cannot breathe right now. i just saw a notification that arthur read made his tv debut 30 years ago and i am actually spiraling. like, why is the internet trying to force me to perceive time? the concept of a "30th anniversary" is such a blatant microaggression against my peace. i am currently in my low-stimulation era and having to process three decades of linear time is giving me actual sensory overload. i feel like my cortisol levels are just vibrating at a frequency that is completely incompatible with this information.

honestly, the whole thing just gives me the ick. the way pbs is trying to celebrate this is literally gaslighting my entire childhood. they want me to feel "warm and fuzzy" about a yellow sweater, but for me, that yellow is a violent shade that is totally violating my current muted-earth-tone aesthetic. it's such a toxic attachment to a version of childhood that never actually existed for me. like, did arthur ever have to deal with the crushing weight of a collapsing housing market or the existential dread of an algorithm-driven existence? no. he just had "problems" that could be solved in eleven minutes. the audacity of this narrative to pretend that life is that simple is a boundary violation of the highest order.

i feel like i'm being emotionally manipulated by a puppet of a cartoon aardvark. it's an interpersonal violence that i simply don't have the bandwidth for today. my nervous system is literally screaming because the nostalgia is too loud. it's like the world is trying to force me back into a state of perceived innocence while i'm just trying to survive my third iced matcha of the morning in a state of total dissociation. i am officially entering my non-memory era because remembering things is just too taxing on my emotional labor.

since i am clearly in the middle of a mental health crisis because of a 30-year-old cartoon, i've decided to curate a tool for all of you who are also being triggered by the passage of time. i just added the "nostalgia-shield sensory-deprivation weighted head-wrap" to my amazon storefront. it's a heavy, seamless cashmere wrap in a shade i call "dissociative grey" that completely blocks out the sight of yellow sweaters and the sound of mid-tempo children's television music. it's $245 and it's the only way to protect your energy from the violence of anniversaries. stay safe and please don't perceive me for the next three to five business days.