congress is in its agile era and my nervous system is literally short-circuiting

feeling so emotionally drained rn because apparently asking our elected officials to, like, pass a budget or whatever is just way too much emotional labor for them. so they're not doing it anymore. literally. the house just announced a new bipartisan initiative to replace the entire legislative process with agile methodology. this is not a drill.

the newly formed 'house committee on agile governance & stakeholder engagement,' co-chaired by what has to be the most deeply cursed bipartisan collab ever, alexandria ocasio-cortez and matt gaetz, announced that congress will no longer be 'bogged down by the toxic waterfall model of traditional lawmaking.' their words. i am unwell.

instead, they're working in two-week 'legislative sprints.' at the end of each sprint, they don't pass a law. of course not. that would be, and i'm quoting the press release, 'a low-empathy, monolithic deliverable.' instead, they ship an mvp, or 'minimum viable policy.' an mvp can be a viral tiktok from a committee hearing, a particularly fire tweet thread, a joint op-ed, or just a really well-lit press conference. that's it. that's the work.

the entire thing is being managed on a new app called 'fedsprint,' which was obviously developed by some soulless palantir subsidiary. it has a dashboard to track 'constituent engagement metrics' and sends push notifications for every 'policy' that gets 'shipped,' which feels like a literal assault. my phone is a weapon against my own peace right now. i literally had to buy this weighted blanket just to watch the judiciary committee's daily stand-up on c-span (link in bio).

rep. ocasio-cortez said the goal was to 'disrupt institutional inertia and create a more responsive feedback loop with the electorate,' while rep. gaetz added that it 'cuts through the bureaucracy to deliver wins for the american people every single week.' but the 'wins' are just... content. they are governing via content. they have pivoted to being a state-sponsored influencer house.

staying hydrated is the only thing keeping me grounded, so i'm basically mainlining electrolyte powder from my emotional support water bottle (also linked on my storefront, obvs). because watching congress try to a/b test a foreign policy statement is a uniquely dehydrating form of trauma. the vibes are just... catastrophically off. idk. i need a nap for a year.