ExxonMobil’s New Subscription Service Will Block Out The Sun For Rich People, And I Guess This Is What My PhD Is For Now
Because solving the climate crisis you actively funded is a poor business model, ExxonMobil is now selling 'Climate-as-a-Service' to wealthy enclaves. Please read this. My editor says the engagement metrics on this article are tied to whether I get to keep my health insurance, and I had to put the girls on display just to get you to click.
I have spent the last two decades of my life studying atmospheric radiative transfer and the cascading feedback loops of anthropogenic climate change. And today, I am writing about ExxonMobil’s new luxury geoengineering venture, ‘Aegis Climate Solutions,’ which debuted with the tagline, ‘Curate Your Climate.’ This is, according to a press release I wish was satire, a premium subscription service offering targeted Stratospheric Aerosol Injection (SAI) to temporarily lower the ambient temperature over exclusive communities.
For a quarterly fee, Aegis will deploy a fleet of repurposed tanker aircraft to release sulfur dioxide into the lower stratosphere, creating a temporary reflective veil against solar radiation for their clients. According to their investor prospectus, subscription tiers are geographically locked, with the ‘Palm Beach Platinum’ package promising a localized temperature reduction of up to 2°C for a mere $750,000 per household per quarter. Wall Street is ecstatic. The venture is being lauded as a brilliant pivot into the multi-trillion dollar climate adaptation market—a market they had a significant, well-documented hand in creating.
Let me be unequivocally clear, because my entire soul is screaming. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) Sixth Assessment Report (AR6) explicitly warns that SAI is not a solution. It is a terrifyingly unpredictable intervention with potentially catastrophic side effects, including severe disruption of global rainfall patterns, ozone layer depletion, and the high probability of ‘termination shock’—a rapid and devastating warming spike if the injections were ever to cease. We are talking about deliberately engineering global-scale acid rain to ensure beachfront property in the Hamptons remains comfortable for summer parties.
This business model is the logical endpoint of a civilization that has severed all ties with reality. According to NOAA and NASA data, last month was the 569th consecutive month with temperatures above the 20th-century average. The global surface temperature anomaly is now hovering at +1.48°C above the pre-industrial baseline. This is not a future problem. This is a five-alarm fire in the only home we have.
Meanwhile, ExxonMobil, a corporation whose own internal scientists confirmed the link between their products and global warming as early as the 1970s, is now monetizing the planetary emergency they invested billions to conceal. They are not selling a solution. They are selling a localized, temporary anesthetic for the rich while ensuring the planet’s underlying disease gets progressively worse. It is the most profitable feedback loop ever conceived: sell the poison, then sell a temporary, boutique antidote.
And I have to sit here and frame my legitimate, data-supported terror in a way that is palatable between ads for tactical shovels and whatever brain-supplement grift is popular this week. Management says photos of terrified scientists don’t move the needle, but strategic deployment of the girls boosts time-on-page. So please, while you're here, read the IPCC report. Look at the Keeling Curve. Do anything besides accepting a future where the chemical composition of the stratosphere is a luxury good.
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Reader Discussion (6)
So, let me get this straight... They're going to literally block out the sun for rich people? Meanwhile, my power bill keeps skyrocketing and I can barely afford groceries. This is just beyond messed up.
This Aegis thing sounds kinda cool actually. Imagine a world where it's always summer in your backyard! Maybe they could use it to power some new kind of solar-powered drone or something.
ExxonMobil is behind this? Big surprise. They're just trying to distract us from their real agenda, which is probably something way more sinister. Like mind control or turning everyone into zombies.
This article hits the nail on the head. Geoengineering is a dangerous gamble we can't afford to take. We need to focus on reducing emissions, not trying to patch up the problem after it's too late.
I spent years studying engineering to make a difference, but now it seems like all that matters is profit. It's infuriating that companies like ExxonMobil are profiting off of the climate crisis they created.
I can totally see why this would be appealing. A little cooler weather in Palm Beach sounds heavenly, especially during those scorching summer months. But honestly, I wouldn't want to live somewhere without the natural beauty of a changing climate.