tw: consciousness // why andrew huberman's new micro-coma wellness trend is a vibe but the booking process is literal violence

trigger warning: mentions of employment, biological perception, and the concept of 'hard work'.

hey besties. as a vibe curator, my nervous system is literally always in fight or flight. just existing in this toxic economy feels like a personal attack. so when i heard neuroscientist andrew huberman dropped a new optimal wellness protocol involving medically induced micro-comas, i was like, yes, finally, a boundary against consciousness itself. (don't forget to check the link in my bio to my amazon storefront for my favorite weighted blankets to use while comatose).

the 'huberman deep void protocol' is being marketed as the ultimate dopamine fast. you go into a clinic, they give you an iv of propofol, and you just don't have to perceive late-stage capitalism for 48 to 72 hours. honestly? it's giving healing. not having to perceive elon musk tweeting or knowing what a credit score is happens to be the highest form of self-care. huberman says it resets your neurological baseline, but i just think being awake is a trauma response.

but here is where it gets deeply problematic and frankly, toxic. to book the micro-coma, you can't just use an app. the clinic actually makes you call them. on the phone. and speak to a receptionist with human vocal cords. i'm sorry, but forcing someone who is already so exhausted by the concept of hard work to verbally communicate is literal violence. my cortisol spiked just reading the booking instructions. i had to do three hours of somatic shaking just to process the micro-aggression of it all. sending an email is already violence, but a phone call? i'm literally shaking.

they also make you fill out a physical clipboard when you arrive. holding a pen? engaging fine motor skills? it's giving hustle culture. if you want to be an ally to those of us with zero spoons left, you need to energetically intuit my medical history. anyway, the coma itself is a 10/10 experience, totally cured my time-blindness because time ceases to exist. highly recommend checking out my amazon storefront for the aesthetically pleasing silk eye masks i wore during my clinical unaliving simulation. stay safe and remember that trying is a scam.