tw: fiscal violence // jamie dimon just replaced 'banking' with 'vibrational holding' and i am finally entering my non-transactional era

i literally cannot even begin to describe the level of cortisol spike i get every time i think about a checking account. like, the very concept of a 'balance' is such a binary, aggressive way of viewing existence. it’s honestly toxic. i spent three hours this morning just staring at my wall because the thought of 'managing finances' felt like an act of war against my spirit. the economy is a nightmare landscape and i am just a small, tired bean trying to survive in a world that expects me to understand what a mortgage is.

but then i saw the news that jamie dimon is finally waking up. he just announced that jpmorgan chase is pivoting away from traditional banking—which is basically just organized stress—and replacing it with something called 'vibrational holding.' basically, instead of the violence of numbers and interest rates, we are now encouraged to just 'hold the vibe' of abundance. he's essentially saying that the act of counting money is too high-pressure for the modern psyche (finally!!) and that we should instead focus on the energetic frequency of our wealth.

i am actually sobbing. like, imagine the trauma of a spreadsheet? absolutely not. i need a trigger warning just thinking about the words 'fiscal responsibility.' it’s giving late-stage capitalism collapse and i am here for it. i’ve already deleted my banking app because the red numbers were attacking my aura. i am officially entering my non-transactional era. if i need something, i will simply manifest it through a series of deep sighs and a very expensive candle.

if you’re also feeling completely dissociated by the concept of currency, you should probably check out my amazon storefront for the weighted blanket i use to simulate the feeling of being a safe, unbothered pebble in a stream (link in bio/storefront).

honestly, jamie dimon is finally speaking my language. why would i want a 'savings account' when i can have a 'reservoir of stillness'? the idea of 'earning a living' is so violent. i don't want to earn. i don't want to produce. i just want to exist in a state of curated dormancy where my vibrational holding is managed by a billionaire so i don't have to experience the sensory overload of a decimal point. my nervous system is finally regulating.