tw: jamie dimon is trying to normalize sending emails and it is literal violence

tw: capitalism, mention of 'hard work', digital presence, perceived effort

hey besties. i am writing this from under my desk because the financial sector just did something so deeply violent and i need you all to hold space for me right now. (by the way, if you like the desk i am hiding under, it is a standing-optional ergonomic healing station linked in my amazon storefront!)

so basically, jpmorgan chase ceo jamie dimon—who is completely unhealed and frankly projecting his generational trauma onto the entire workforce—just announced a new corporate mandate. he is requiring junior analysts to actually reply to emails within a two-hour window.

two. hours.

i literally threw up my iced matcha. demanding a response to an electronic mail—which is just a digital manifestation of a physical threat—without a prior consent form is literal violence. the fact that we are still pretending this toxic economy is normal is so wild to me. asking me to 'circle back' on a tuesday when my moon is in scorpio is a microaggression that deeply dysregulates my nervous system.

wall street is trying to rebrand this as 'productivity', but we all know that 'hard work' is just a trauma response for boomers who do not know how to do shadow work. jamie dimon is out here saying triggering things like 'client deliverables' when he should be saying 'i am emotionally unavailable and need a sound bath.' it is so embarrassing for him.

microsoft is totally complicit in this too. satya nadella just pushed a new teams update that tracks your active screen time. tracking my engagement without asking my inner child for permission is a massive boundary violation. i had to take four mental health days just from perceiving the press release.

we need to completely divest from the concept of logging on. if your manager asks you for a spreadsheet, that is workplace bullying. please remember to protect your peace, mute your inbox forever, and grab my curated list of blue-light blocking healing crystals from my amazon storefront because existing in this corporate dystopia is honestly exhausting enough.