tw: perceived effort // sam altman just released 'social proxy' and i am finally entering my non-existent era

i need everyone to just take a deep breath with me for a second because i am actually shaking. like, physically vibrating at a frequency that shouldn't be legal. for years, the world has been demanding that i *exist* in real-time, and quite frankly, that is an accessibility issue. the sheer violence of having to maintain eye contact or—god forbid—respond to a 'quick sync' email (which is literally just digital assault) has left me completely depleted. my nervous system is basically a frayed charging cable at this point.

but then sam altman and openai finally decided to stop gatekeeping peace and dropped the 'social proxy.' it’s essentially an ai-driven holographic duplicate of your vibe that handles all your physical and social obligations while you stay in a darkened room with your noise-canceling headphones on. i’ve already synced my proxy to my current energy levels (which are currently 'low battery/do not disturb'), and it is literally the most healing thing to happen to me since i discovered weighted blankets.

i sent my proxy to a family brunch this morning, and it's actually incredible. while i was lying on my floor staring at the ceiling and regulating my breathing, my proxy was out there nodding empathetically and saying things like 'that's so valid' and 'i hear you' in my exact voice. i didn't have to perceive a single person. i didn't have to perform the labor of being a human being in a capitalist hellscape that expects us to be 'productive' every waking second. speaking of productivity, can we please get a trigger warning for the concept of 'hard work'? it’s literally toxic and needs to be dismantled by the collective.

the economy is just so loud right now, and i simply cannot be expected to navigate it without a buffer. if you're feeling as overstimulated as i am, you really need to optimize your sensory environment. i actually linked my favorite cortisol-reducing aromatherapy diffuser on my amazon storefront—please go buy one because we are all collectively spiraling and we deserve to smell like lavender while the world ends.

anyway, i’m currently in my non-existent era. if anyone needs me, don't. just tell my proxy that i'm in a safe space and i'll get back to you in three to five business years once i've processed the trauma of existing.