tw: professional ambition // the federal government finally classified 'hard work' as a workplace hazard and i am finally entering my stillness era

i am literally shaking right now. like, actually vibrating. i just saw the press release from secretary of labor julie su and osha (the occupational safety and health administration) and i think i might actually be able to breathe for the first time since 2019. they have officially classified 'hard work'—and specifically the concept of 'professional ambition'—as a workplace hazard. it is now legally recognized as a psychological toxin.

like, finally. someone had to say it. the economy has been so toxic for so long and we’ve just been gaslit into thinking that 'grinding' was a personality trait instead of a slow-motion nervous system collapse. i personally find the idea of a 40-hour work week to be an act of aggression. actually, let me be clearer: sending a calendar invite for a meeting that could have been a slack message is literal violence. it’s an assault on my peace.

the new guidelines basically state that expecting someone to 'hit the ground running' or 'circle back' creates a hostile sensory environment. i am honestly so here for this. imagine a world where we don't have to perform productivity just to justify our existence to people who use words like 'synergy' without irony. i’ve spent my entire life feeling guilty for needing a three-hour nap after answering two emails, but now the government is basically telling me that my dissociation is actually a safety mechanism against the violence of capitalism.

i feel like we’re finally moving toward a collective co-regulation where 'doing the absolute least' is not just a vibe, but a protected right. i can’t even process the thought of 'climbing the corporate ladder' without feeling a wave of cortisol hit my system. why would i want to climb a ladder? that sounds like physical exertion and frankly, it’s triggering.

if you’re also feeling completely overwhelmed by the concept of a 'deadline' (tw: time pressure), please check out my amazon storefront where i linked the specific extra-weighted blanket i use to simulate the feeling of being buried in a safe, quiet hole when my inbox hits ten unread messages. it’s the only way i can ground myself when the world asks me to be 'proactive.'

anyway, i’m going to go lie face down on my rug for the rest of the afternoon to honor this victory. please don't email me about it. just send a vibe.