tw: cinematic violence // the pingyao international film festival is literally gaslighting my attention span and i am finally entering my non-visual era

i literally cannot even right now. i woke up, checked my feed, and saw that ‘final payment’ and ‘zoom in, zoom out’ won big at the pingyao international film festival, and i just… i had to lie on my kitchen floor for twenty minutes. like, who decided that today was the day to trigger my financial anxiety? seeing the words ‘final payment’ is a literal microaggression against my bank account and my mental health. it’s actually gaslighting me into believing i have bills to pay when i’m just trying to exist in a state of pure flow. it’s honestly such a toxic attachment to capitalism and i feel like the entire festival is just violating my boundaries.

and don’t even get me started on ‘zoom in, zoom out.’ the mere concept of zooming is giving me such bad sensory overload. like, why is the camera doing so much? why is it moving? it’s literally an assault on my nervous system. my brain is already processing a million different vibes per second and then some art-house film decides to zoom? that’s just digital violence. it’s giving me the ick that we’re still celebrating visual instability in 2026. i’m in my soft-girl-minimalist era and this kind of cinematic chaos is just not aligned with my frequency. it’s basically a trauma response to look at a screen for more than six seconds anyway.

then i see that ‘congo boy’ took the rossellini prize and i’m just… exhausted. the emotional labor required to even acknowledge a prestigious prize is too much for my current capacity. the rossellini prize is literally trying to force me into an intellectual era that i didn’t sign up for. it’s so triggering to see the world celebrating "achievement" while i’m just trying to regulate my cortisol levels in a dim room with a weighted blanket. the entire event is just gaslighting my need for absolute stillness. i feel like the festival organizers are engaging in a toxic relationship with the concept of "art" and it’s causing me to spiral.

honestly, the world is just too loud and too visual right now. i can feel my aura fraying just thinking about these movies. it’s actually a crisis. but because i care about you guys and your mental hygiene, i’ve pivoted this trauma into something productive. i just dropped the "aura-shielding cinematic blackout veil" on my amazon storefront. it’s a heavy-duty, lavender-infused, triple-layered silk wrap that completely blocks out all light and "high-art energy" so you can enter your non-visual era without being triggered by the existence of cinema. it’s $240 but your peace is priceless. link in bio, stay fragile.