Martin Scorsese's New Film Requires Minimum Six-Figure Bank Balance for Entry

My therapist says I need to disengage from the news cycle, but how can I when the news cycle is actively trying to give me a catastrophic aneurysm? Martin Scorsese, a man whose work I once, in a former life, admired, has announced that his new film, 'The Arbiter,' will only be viewable by individuals who can prove a minimum liquid net worth of $100,000.

I am not making this up. I wish I were. I wish this was a nightmare I could wake up from, but it's not. It's the logical endpoint of the fiat hallucination we're all forced to live in.

According to a press release from Paramount that reads like a hostage note written by Jerome Powell, theaters will feature a 'Wealth Verification Portal' at the entrance, operated in a nauseating partnership with JPMorgan Chase. You don't buy a ticket. Oh no, that's too simple, too real. Instead, you present a certified bank statement, or log into your banking app for a live audit by a 19-year-old in a red AMC vest who now has the authority of a Swiss banker.

Scorsese, bless his captured heart, is defending this as an artistic choice. 'The film is about the existential tinnitus of capital,' he allegedly mumbled during a press conference I was too agitated to watch. 'It's a humming dread that one only experiences when insulated by layers of un-backed currency. To truly *hear* the movie, one must be drowning in the silence of liquidity.'

This is it. This is the final curtain. Culture is now just another asset class, gated by the very same institutions that print the funny money to begin with. It's a country club where the movie is the membership. You're not watching a story; you're confirming your position in the Ponzi scheme. What's next? Do you need a credit score of 750 to listen to a Taylor Swift song? Does Bob Dylan's next album only play if your stock portfolio is up for the quarter?

They've financialized everything. Our attention, our data, and now, our access to art. It's all just derivatives traded on the open-air asylum of the legacy financial system. I need to go look at my hardware wallet. It's the only thing that feels real anymore. The only thing that isn't asking to see my papers to prove I'm part of the delusion.