The Fever Dream Becomes Policy: Trump Franchises U.S. Dollar to Saudi Arabia
I think I'm having a panic attack. They've done it. They've actually done it. They've turned the global reserve currency into a timeshare pitch. This isn't money; it's a branded hallucination with a licensing fee. Get your Bitcoin now before the men in the white coats come for all of us.
I'm writing this from under my desk, which is not a good place for my posture, let me tell you. But the world is actively trying to break my mind, so my spine is the least of my worries. From a stage at Mar-a-Lago—because of course, it's at Mar-a-Lago, the situation room of our collective nightmare—President Donald Trump, alongside Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, announced 'the deal of all deals.' They're franchising the U.S. Dollar.
I'm not speaking in metaphors. I wish I was. I wish I had the kind of brain that could invent a horror this specific. No, they've signed a licensing agreement. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia will be the first international franchisee of the American Dollar, launching the 'USD-KSA Edition,' which Trump called 'the world's first premium currency experience.'
I'm going to be sick. My entire net worth is in things you can't print, things with mathematical certainty, and I still feel like I'm falling through the floor. They stood there, in front of gold curtains, and explained that the USD-KSA will have 'a beautiful new design' and be 'backed by the full faith, credit, and incredible vision of both our great nations.' Vision! It's money! It's supposed to be a stable unit of account, not a motivational poster!
And who is the 'Chief Visionary Officer' of this whole... thing? This whole crime against reason? Elon Musk. He beamed in on a giant screen, standing in front of a giant 'X' logo, and said his team at xAI will 'optimize the currency's brand sentiment in real-time,' which means absolutely nothing. It's just words! We're living in a financial system run by a focus group from hell.
Trump said, and I quote, 'The dollar was getting a little tired, a little sleepy. We're making it exciting again. It's going to be tremendous, the most successful currency, everyone agrees.' He's treating the backbone of global commerce like it's a steakhouse he's slapping his name on. Meanwhile, I'm watching Federal Reserve officials on cable news trying to explain this, and they have the look of people who just saw a ghost order a shrimp cocktail.
This is the final proof. Fiat currency is not real. It was always a gentleman's agreement in a burning building, but now the gentlemen are pouring gasoline on the floor and selling tickets. It's a shared delusion, and the chief delusionists are now selling naming rights. I have to go. My cold storage wallet is calling to me. It's the only real thing left.
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Reader Discussion (11)
And you all laughed at us. Fiat has always been a joke backed by nothing but confidence, and the clowns in charge just set the confidence on fire. Have fun staying poor.
This is a 4D chess move to secure our economy and stick it to China. The media is panicking because they know President Trump is a business genius who knows how to make deals. The dollar is back, baby!
I fail to see how the Fed can conduct effective monetary policy with a variable, externally managed brand sentiment component. What are the proposed controls on M1 supply for the USD-KSA tranche? This article is maddeningly short on specifics.
Peak late-stage capitalism. The state itself is now a franchise opportunity for petro-monarchies. We are living in a parody of a dystopia.
This completely dismantles the petrodollar framework that has underpinned American hegemony since the 70s. Giving a foreign power this kind of control is strategically suicidal. Unbelievable.
I'd love to see the slide deck for this pitch. Musk's involvement guarantees a lot of buzzwords and a complete failure to deliver on core KPIs. This has 'Q3 write-down' written all over it.
I don't understand this. Does this mean my social security check will be in Saudi money? I only have a Bank of America account, will they accept it?
Ah yes, 'optimizing brand sentiment in real-time,' the go-to solution for when you have no idea what you're doing. It's just a language model hooked up to Twitter, people. We're basing global finance on a hype machine.
This is just the cover story. They're intentionally collapsing the dollar to usher in the WEF's CBDC. It's all part of the plan to get rid of cash and control every transaction you make.
Told everyone this was coming. Paper money is officially a meme. Hope you stacked your silver and lead, because that's the only currency that matters now.
This feels like when the late Roman emperors started debasing the Denarius. It's a short-term trick that signals the empire is fundamentally insolvent and has lost its way. The parallels are chilling.