this new vc-funded startup lets you outsource your sleep and i'm literally so tired

okay so, full transparency, i'm having to, like, emotionally regulate in real time just to write this. the vibes are fully spiraling. apparently, the concept of rest is now considered a market inefficiency and some tech bros have decided to 'disrupt' it. i'm literally dissociating.

so the venture capital firm andreessen horowitz, or a16z as the girlies who are deep in the toxic hustle-culture discourse call it, just led a $200 million series a funding round for a startup called 'somnium'. and what does somnium do? it's an app that lets you pay a gig worker to sleep for you. i'm not okay.

marc andreessen, a man whose entire energy feels like an unread email marked 'urgent,' posted a whole manifesto about it. he called it 'unbundling the human biological stack' and 'democratizing consciousness.' he said sleep is a 'legacy feature' holding back human potential. the sheer violence of that statement... i had to go lie down on my acupressure mat for like an hour just to process. if you're also feeling activated, my exact mat is linked on my amazon storefront under 'items for surviving late-stage capitalism.'

the way it works is just... a lot. you, the 'client,' wear this minimalist, aesthetically-pleasing headband thingy. then, a gig worker, called a 'dream weaver,' goes to sleep in a special high-tech pod somewhere else. their restorative brain waves are then, like, beamed to your headband? so you get all the benefits of 8 hours of deep rem sleep without the trauma of actually having to be unconscious and vulnerable for that long. you can just keep doomscrolling or working or worrying about the systemic collapse. you know, self-care.

the dream weavers are, of course, rated on a five-star system. was their sleep deep and regenerative? five stars. did they have a stress dream about their teeth falling out that gave you weird vibes the next day? one star. this is literally the emotional labor economy made manifest and it's so, so toxic.

and honestly, the thought of having to now optimize my 'outsourced rest portfolio' is sending me. like, what if my weaver's vibes are off? what if they aren't hydrating properly? it's just one more thing to be anxious about. it's the personal responsibility trap all over again. i'm already so exhausted from the burden of existence, and now i have to curate another human's entire sleep hygiene routine? no.

we need to set boundaries with the economy. we need to tell it that its demands are unreasonable. it's not our job to fix its broken systems. anyway, i'm going to go journal about this and maybe put on my favorite calming LED strip lights (also linked on my storefront) to create a safe space from all this... innovation. stay safe out there. it's a lot.